“Ours not to reason why, ours but to do and die,” by Alfred Lord Tennyson
Age old questions……..why me. I think that over the past few years I have asked myself this a million of times. I think everyone has asked this question at least once in their life.
I look at my brothers and for the most part they are both healthy. They can work, excessive and lead a pretty normal life. Why is it me that got every ailment that my grandmother had . Why is me that spends more days in bed when my brothers are out exercising and able to live life to the fullest. Or am I wrong?
Is it wrong to say why me and not why not me? I have had many things that have been good through having illnesses and chronic pain. For instantaneous, I am able to stay at home with the kids and not have to work in a job that I never really liked. I have shown my kids that all people aren’t the same and there are difficult lives out there. They understand pain and suffering better than most kids their age.
Understanding is the whole picture
About a year ago, I was in an all time low and was mad at the world. I really wanted to be angry at someone, anyone that “normal and healthy”. For awhile it was my younger brother. Here he was at the gym all the time, losing weight, and becoming healthy. He started on this journey of bettering himself and I was jealous. almost to the point of being angry. But then my husband said something to me that I still remember to this day. He told me the reason I have all these “ailments” and chronic pain was for a good reason. I can handle it and I don’t give it up. Not saying that my brothers would, but I have always been a little fighter and wanted to prove everyone wrong. Hearing this made me a little more proud of myself and want to fight a little harder.
Fighting isn’t for sissy
Taking the energy from sitting around and saying “what if” to using it for positive things, is the way it should be. You aren’t a victim to anything, but normal everyday life. Next time that you don’t have the energy to fight, think of the reasons why you should fight. Is there someone who you want to fight for? Is there a purpose that you want to fight for? Find it and become that fighter, a stronger person. Fighting for a reason doesn’t require you to run a marathon but maybe a walk around the block a few times a days. Becoming a fighter doesn’t mean 5 rounds in a cage but maybe using your knowledge on your illnesses to help others.
Asking “why” is very depressing
If asking why me brings out a victim mentality, it also can lead to depression. When you’re feeling powerless and weak, you have a hard time feeling good about yourself. Depression can easily come about when we feel like we have no control.
Letting go of Why me!
Decide today that it’s not worth asking why me all the time. It is better to be a fighter and better to let go of the depression it brings with it. Decide today that the question Why me? needs to be stripped from your vocabulary. Why me? doesn’t move you forward. It only keeps you trapped in the past. And it times we all start to move forward. Think about the loss of a loved one. Death never makes sense, so for anyone of us to try to make sense of why someone died or suffered only prolongs the grieving process. That is not to say that it isn’t necessary. Asking questions allow us to deal with the blows we have been dealt. However, if it goes on longer than it should, it does not allow us to accept those circumstances. Changing our questions means we change our experiences and beliefs about suffering. So is it time for you to stop asking “Why me?” and start asking “What can I do to make this a better experience?”
You can wrestle with your thoughts all day or you can find ways to busy your thoughts. Pay attention to what you are telling yourself and ask yourself if you are hindering yourself from living positively. Being aware of our circumstances and our suffering allows us to stop asking why and to move toward making the necessary changes to our lives. Once the negative self-talk stops and you stop asking why, you will realize that the “Why me?” isn’t as important as the “What now?”2