” In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you” Deepak Chopra
I have over the years never come to terms with the fact that I am chronically always will be in pain. I never wanted to believe that this was a bad thing or I was curable. I always felt the need to apologize to those close to me, that I am sorry that I can’t be 100% healthy or not in pain every day. But instead, I have learned to come to peace with the fact that this is who I am and will be for the rest of my life.
I don’t know about you, but have you always apologized to others for being what you think is “unhealthy”? Or do you apologize to others because pain is so bad that you can’t get out of bed for a day or so? I have. More times that I can count. If you are always apologizing, then read my post on “5 things those with chronic pain should never apologize for”.
But what is the difference with coming to peace with your life and stop apologizing for your life? The dictionary defines being at peace as “feeling calm and relaxed about something or yourself“. Feeling calm? When was the last time you felt that way about yourself? Let alone your illness or pain. When was the last time you were ok to tell someone about your illness or pain and not feel ashamed? It has taken me what feels like a lifetime to come to terms with myself, calm with my life. But once you are there, I believe life will open new doors and paths for you. Just know that it will be a lot of work.
Acceptance, what an ugly word. This word makes me feel like I am just ok with my illnesses and pain. But really acceptance is an important role into finding that peace. Finding acceptance means that you have come to terms with the fact that you have an illness. You understand that you will have days that you will be living in pain. And knowing this is true but you accept that you can get through these days. You accept that there will still be bad days. And you accept that you will get through this difficult time in your life.
I don’t know about you, but I spent half my life trying to make people understand what it is like to live with a chronic illness and/or pain. But I didn’t take the time for me to understand my own body and the triggers that cause the pain and illness act up. I listened to what my doctors said to me but did I really understand what he/she was saying? Or did I become too afraid to ask questions? I tried to live a life full of denial which caused a lot of misunderstanding.
And Then Peace
Coming to terms with acceptance and understanding help me find the peace that I need to live a good life. Peace in itself is magical but when you come to peace with your life, you have a greater opportunity to live a better life. Not only for yourself, but also for those around you.
Life, I have determined, is way too short to stop living to make the most of your life. When you add in chronic illness and chronic pain, life doesn’t seem to be anything but gray and meek. But find that peace that you need and life will look better to you. Life will become better too you. Try not to focus on the word chronic. That isn’t a describing word for you. Instead, it should be determined, focused, and even peaceful. Stop apologizing for your life, no matter what it is filled with, chronic illness, chronic pain, or chronic life. You choose. And choose life!