Thought for Tonight

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Isn’t this true?  We can think that someone has been through hell and back by a number of tears that have been shed.  But the smiles we pretend to put on our faces to hide the pain can be a daily thing, hourly, or even done by the minute just to not let others see the pain. Faking a smile is so much harder to accomplish than to shed a tear.  So the next time you put on that smile, know that it is ok to let others know that you are in pain.  Pain is not something bad or negative.  But it can be a very private emotion.

The next time you see someone in pain, be there for that person.  Try and understand what that person is going through, and know that many want to hide their true emotions when it comes to pain. Pain is not only emotionally draining but physically draining.  Pain can take a perfectly good life and turn it upside down with confusion, anger, and sorrow.

Are you someone who lives in pain?  Are you at the end of your rope?  Has pain taken your life and taken it away from you so much that you don’t recognize yourself anymore? That was me.  I had my life taken over by such enormous amounts of pain on a daily basis that I didn’t want to live anymore.  I had, what I thought, was a pretty amazing life, a life that was all mine. And then one day, it was all taken from me and my life became dark and empty. I could only focus on one thing, no matter what.  Pain.  The pain that would rip through my body at any time of the day.  I could do absolutely nothing and the pain would take a hold of me so hard that everything, from the top of my head to my toes would hurt.  The pain would grip muscles and pull on them till I would cry in pain.  The pain would take my joints or my body parts and tear into it like it had a knife and was carving into me.

The pain never wanted me to be alone with just pain either.  It would invite depression in, and we all know how depression likes to move in and not leave unless it is forced too.  Now I was dealing with  a great amount of pain and then add the depression on top of it and I was a mess. Leaving my bed was alone an ordeal that I would only want to venture to do every so often, surely not on a daily basis.  I would live life usually as someone who was angry at the world or almost  always in tears all the time from the depression. Life had gotten very miserable.

I stayed this way for a long time.  It started in the last term of my last pregnancy and I still live today with a great amount of pain. Not much in the levels of pain has changed but its more with what I can handle and how I look at the pain now.  I used to think of the pain as an enemy and was so angry with the fact that my body would be in that amount of pain. I hated life and hated everyone that wasn’t in daily pain. I wanted others to feel how I felt all the time.

It took me a few years to realize that wasn’t a way to live the one and only life you are given.  It took me a long time to deal with the anger and years of seeing a therapist to actually stop being so angry and mad.  I’m not saying that there aren’t days that I don’t still get mad or angry.  I believe that its human nature to feel emotions depending on where you are in your life.  Not every day is going to be good or bad but you have a choice on how you want to live it.  Are you wanting to let the pain take you and control you 100% or do you want to take life by the horns and steer it the way you want it to go?

Pain is an emotion and feeling that is so hard to ignore.  Pretending to smile while in pain is so hard to do.  And I totally understanding not wanting anyone to see the amount of pain you are in.  But smiling and faking it isn’t a way to live.  First and foremost I think that it is so important, to be honest about your feelings and how you feel that day. If you are having a bad day, that’s ok.  But don’t let take a hold of your life and not let you live life how you want to. You be in control of your life.  Know that there will be days with pain.  Know that there will be good days,  Know that there will be bad days.  But those are your days to live.  Wouldn’t it be better to choose to live with a real smile on your face? Isn’t your life worth a real smile?

 

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