“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” ~Sri Chinmoy
Have you ever heard of the Ultimate List before? I haven’t. It was until I was watching a YouTube video when I saw it. What is it, you ask? It’s a list of things to do “more” of. Let me show you.
It’s a great little list to carry with you because basically what it is saying is, in the end, it doesn’t matter, just try your best. How hard is that for us to do especially those of us with chronic illnesses? We try as hard as we can and then a flare up happens. Or an all out hospital stays creeps up and takes over our life. What are we to do then for trying our best?
It’s only us that beat ourselves up when we can’t do “the best” of anything. I don’t hear others say to me “well, Lisa you didn’t do the best that you can at that”. I only hear that coming from within. We blame ourselves and make it an issue when others let things go. We hold on to things and make ourselves feel guilty for not doing something perfect or the way we feel it should be done.
Isn’t it amazing how we can do something that is perfect and we tear it apart, bit by bit because we didn’t do it the way we think we should have? Or we talk negatively about it to others and tear ourselves apart, that way. Someone might tell you what an amazing job you did on something. And inside all you are doing is picking it apart and saying how bad of a job we did.
Giving Yourself a Break
Why is that? Why can’t we compliment ourselves or take it if someone offers? We can be so negative towards ourselves that it makes me sad that we don’t give ourselves a break. We deserve that if anything. We deal with so much on a day-to-day basis that you would think that we would want to give ourselves a break. That if anything, we deserve to give ourselves a break.
We are so fast to judge ourselves that we forget that we are just human too. We don’t need to have someone on top of us all the time, so why don’t we take a step back and give ourselves a break. There are a few things that we can do to stop drilling ourselves and start to accept that we have done our best.
- Learn acceptance of what we do is human nature.
- Learn not to judge ourselves so quickly that we can accept mistakes.
- Learn not to criticize ourselves so much.
- Learn not to expect a change in ourselves all the time. We are ok with how we are.
- Learn to look within ourselves and love what we see.
Taking an evaluation to see how well we judge ourselves.
These are all steps that we need to learn to do on a daily basis. There is an evaluation in an article in Psychology Today that asks 16 questions to see how you judge yourself. If you score an average that indicates that you’re within the average of David et al.’s sample in self and other-acceptance.
David er al.’s sample is “Romanian psychologist Daniel David and his collaborators (2013) developed the “Unconditional Acceptance Questionnaire” (UAQ) to test both your “philosophical” and “psychological” acceptance. They defined philosophical acceptance of the self and others as your desire to avoid any evaluations of someone’s (and your own) self-worth. David and his team propose that any evaluation of the self, according to this definition, is an irrational generalization (as in the Albert Ellis model).
To take the evaluation, you can find the article here, Psychology Today.
You never know what someone is or is not struggling with on the inside just by looking at their outside.
I make an extra effort to look beyond the surface. I try extra hard to not judge by appearances. I must admit though, sometimes it’s hardest to not judge myself. If only we can look at the Ultimate List and realize that it doesn’t matter how well we do something, it just us trying our best and not judging ourselves for the limitations that we were given.1