The Story I Never Wanted To Tell But Need Too. Hi, My Name Is Lisa And I’m A…….. Part V

There are four previous parts to this blog post.  If you haven’t read them, please find them here.  Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV. This part is about living life after becoming sober.

 

I’ve been sober for four years now and yet it feels like just yesterday I was going through the last withdrawals. Living a sober life isn’t as easy as it’s made out to be.  Actually, I think it’s harder to be sober than it is to be an addict.  But that being said, I would rather be sober than using.  Life is hard as an addict, but life is harder being sober.

Sober vs Being High

I’m sure we have all seen movies where they are portraying an addict.  The movies make it look like it’s all fun and parties.  It’s true that there were times when I was high that I was having the time of my life. But ask me to tell you about those days now?  I can’t recall when it was or what I was doing. There are days, if not weeks missing from my life and I have to ask my husband about it many times.  Did I see that movie?  Did we really go to this restaurant? And believe me, that sucks not being able to remember what you did, who you were with and how did you act.  I’m sure there were many times that I was an embarrassment or out of it that I wasn’t fun to be around.

There are days, if not weeks missing from my life and I have to ask my husband about it many times.  Did I see that movie?  Did we really go to this restaurant? And believe me, that sucks not being able to remember what you did, who you were with and how did you act.  I’m sure there were many times that I was an embarrassment or out of it that I wasn’t fun to be around.

Being sober is a totally different way of living.  Every day of my life now, I make the conscious decision to remain sober and not go back to using narcotics.  It would be very easy for me to get a hold of narcotics with the state that my back is in.  But I want to be sober now.  I want to remember every day of my life and celebrate the fact that I don’t need to be high to enjoy life.

Being Sober Daily

When you decide that being sober is more important than getting high, and it’s a hard decision to make, you then take on one of the biggest challenges of your life. Life turns around on you and at first, you will feel that you can’t do it.  Many times I felt that way.  Hence the reason for me taking so many times to get sober.  I would talk myself out of it or tell myself that I wasn’t good enough to be sober.  Or the best one was, no one was going to like me sober.

Boy, was I so wrong.  The people in my life have enjoyed me so much better being sober than high. My husband and I almost divorced because of my using.  I almost threw away the most important person in my life for drugs.  Luckily, I snapped to reality and was able to save my marriage before I did too much damage.  But there was a lot of fixing that I needed to do.  And one of the biggest reason I choose to be sober is him.

Every single day, I need to keep myself in check and know that abusing narcotics is not the way my life was meant to be.  I choose to be a happy person and choose to be sober.  That is the choice you have to make.  What is more important in your life? To be using and abusing or to be clean and sober?  No one can make that decision except you and if someone forces you to become sober, I’m betting you will run the opposite way very fast.

When The Time Is Right

When the day comes that you are done with whatever you may be abusing, you will know it.  It will be like a big light going off.  Your body and mind will tell you that its time.  But the time needs to be right. If it’s not, then you will fight yourself, over and over.

Wait till you are really ready and then get ready for the fight of your life.  It will be one of the most important fights and trust me, it’s all worth it.  Being sober may be difficult and demanding.  You will need to give yourself a bit of time to get through the withdrawals.  Mine was two weeks but each person is different.  Once you get through that, the true battle will begin.

Every day, there is temptation and mind talking to yourself.  Mind talking is when you are trying to convince yourself to go back to drugs.  You will mentally need to be telling yourself over and over that this is what you really want.  And you will question yourself.  Many times.  But know that this is normal and you will get through it.

Having Help

It is best to be under the care of a doctor while going through the withdrawal stage.  Then once that is done with, get yourself into NA. Narcotics Anonymous.  As hard as it is to get up and go to the meetings, surrounding yourself with people who are going through the same thing is a big help. Then finding a sponsor is the best thing for you.  This will become one of the closest people in your life.

Taking It One Day At A Time

The biggest thing to remember during this process is that you must take it one day at a time.  Those were the best words of advice I received.  I was so worried about the future and the what ifs that I wasn’t focusing on the now, the present.  Once I did that, the process got a little easier.  Not simple or easy, just easier.  It is almost like you have to go through this whole process just so you know that you are worth it.

I know now that I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be sober.  And so do you.   You just need to keep telling yourself.  Get the help that you need and start the path to a new life.  You might be surprised as to how much life can be special being sober.  Try it, because you deserve to have a good, sober, and happy life too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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