Depression, and the ugly face it has


Let me see how many hands out there have meet this ugly, hard to understand, powerful, annoying, and hurtful monster that lives in most of us with chronic pain.  Many of us can hold it at bay with medication, meditation, or therapy.  And then there are some of us that have tried medications, therapy, meditation, and everything else that is out there and still depression shows up day in and day out.

I wake up in the morning, every morning, and I access my body and my mind to see how things are running.  Pain check, aches check, and feelings check, If I receive a good or alright, then I have to accept that is good enough for me that day.  If that day I wake up and accesses that it’s a day that getting out of bed is not going to happen, then the depression peaks its head up and says ‘it’s a beautiful day to make your life hell and make you fell horrible all day.”

Now you know that your day has been ruined, you know it is going to be a long day, an exhausting day, and a day that not one you don’t want to keep marked on the calendar as a good day, so now, where to next?  A dark room day, an all-day Netflix day, all day eat everything in sight day, or can’t eat a piece of a crumble – only day.

.Depression is a serious disease and yes it’s just that, a disease that should be taken care of 100% by a licensed doctor.  Never once should any of us self-medicate our self, use Web MD to diagnosis our self, or Google how to cure ourselves.  And as much as I am honored that you would check out my blog in hopes for answers, I do not know you personally, I am not a doctor (even though I am occasionally known to play doctor with my husband) or therapist, or psychiatrist to know how to treat you.  But I can tell you how I deal with my depression in hopes it will help you.

I have had depression and anxiety, just depression, and just anxiety in some form or another since my late teens.  At first I thought I had some brain aneurysm or a nervous breakdown when this started to rear its ugly head.  I went to my family doctor and remember telling him that I was dying because some days I felt so bad that I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep even though all I wanted to do was sleep. I was so convinced I was dying that I started to make my own funeral arrangements at the ripe old age of 17.  After 20 or so minutes at the doctor’s office, on a bright June day, and trying to holding in his giggle, my PCP said to me “Lisa, you are not dying, you do not have a brain aneurysm, and stop making your funeral arrangements, because all you are is depressed.”  Breathing a sigh of relief for all of, oh 3 minutes or so,  my and brain could process what the doctor was telling me, came the worry that I have felt over the last 20 years, which is to those 4 words “you are just depressed”.  Just depressed?  I’m sorry but getting that news was almost worse than hearing “you need surgery”.  Surgery is a touch, feel, taste, and so on feelings whereas depression doesn’t fit in any of these categories.  So to me, depression almost felt like a death sentence but believe it or not, depression has been almost a gift to me.

How can it be a gift?  I told you a little about my daughter M.  I said before, she is autistic with anxiety and depression.  If I wouldn’t have had depression myself, I would never had known the symptoms to look for in my daughter.  So yes, a gift! So trying to find the bright side is hard, but its possible.

Any form of depression can be a scary thing to go through but having a support system helps me out tremendously.  My husband, Eric, is the best example of that.  We have been together for 12 years and he has seen my good days, my bad days, and my extremely bad days.  But without Eric, I wouldn’t be here today nor would I have been able to get through the deepest, darkest bouts of depression.  Eric not only stands by my side but he knows what to look for in me when I go into that dark cave.  Granted not all the time can he pull me out of it but he is just there for me in every other way possible.  He has made my life so much better because of that, I know that life isn’t all about the chronic pain and depression any more.  There is more to life than that, thanks to Eric.

So basically I am saying that, yes there will be the dark times in your life, no matter who is on your side.  But you alone can make that choice right now to know that you want to fight the depression, because after all, we have enough on our plate living with chronic pain.  Give yourself a break and just try to know that you aren’t suffering alone.  Maybe that alone, will help!

Let me know in the comments below what you think would work to help someone to deal with depression.

And until next time…….

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