Dear Diary – Day

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Dear diary,

It’s been a long week since the accident and my body feels like it was just yesterday.  It’s amazing how your body can hold on to things like that and stress.  I think that I am more tight and sore from the stress of the accident then from the accident itself.  It’s funny how that happens.

About 25 years ago, I was in another accident but this one was a lot worse.  I had just left my boyfriend’s house and was heading home.  I had come to the first major intersection and out of nowhere, a drunk driver hit me as I had just started to turn left, so going maybe about 10 mph.  He came straight through the light, estimating going about 65 mph and hit me head on.  My car, luckily, did what it was supposed to and the engine dropped to the ground or it would have come into the car and crushed me. I ended up walking away with a broken jaw and a lot of bruises.  My car had airbags but I wasn’t going fast enough for them to come out.  I went forward and hit my chin on my steering wheel, causing the jaw to break in two places.  Again, I was very lucky and didn’t walk away with much injuries.

I remember that accident like it was yesterday.  It’s amazing how long it took me to get back into a car with that accident.  This accident, I have been in a car but not driving.  I think I feel more responsible with this accident, even though neither one of them was mine fault, this one I had a lot more to lose than just myself.

Bodies seem to break a little easier the older we get and the more the body has been  through. Before the first accident, I had been in the hospital once and it wasn’t even for a surgery.  I just was admitted for overnight stay. Add 25 years, and 7 surgeries later, my body can’t get through things like they could in my very early 20’s.  Or is it because of the surgeries?  Has that worn my body down?  I would like to think that it’s not the age that has done it but who really is to say?

I know that I wasn’t that easy on my body in my much younger days.  I wasn’t terrible to it or anything but I did smoke a pack of cigarettes a day.  I know for a fact that did weaken my bones, a lot. I smoked for almost 18 years and then before my first fusion to my spine, my doctor said that if I really wanted this to work, 1oo%, I need to quit smoke before the surgery.  I put my mind to it and was really wanting to want to stop, so I did.  10 days before surgery, I quit and havent looked back at all.  Now, it’s hard for me to be around smoke.  The smell of it can really turn my stomach and upset it. I knew once I quit that it was going to be it on smoking because I wanted to quit.  I wasn’t doing it for someone else, just for me. But the damage had already been done.  The fusion took, luckily but my bones are weak and probably will be the rest of my life.

I believe that I made the right change by quitting but there is no magic pill that can reverse the things that we do to ourselves when we are young.  We can maybe slow down the effects by stopping things like not smoking at all or not smoke for as long as people do.  Quit drinking alcohol can help a lot of internal organs.  And things like using lotions and sunscreen can help people look younger longer.But once you start down that road of “self – destruction” to yourself, it is almost impossible to reverse it later in life.  I wish someone would have knocked me in the head and tell me not to be so stupid about the choices that I made. It’s too late to say what ifs but it’s not too late to start to take care of yourself, no matter how ever you need to do that.  Start taking your vitamins. use sunscreen, and drink plenty of water. You never know how fast those simple things can help you get through some, like a car accident!

Until tomorrow………………..

 

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