Day 9 – Dear Diary

Dear Diary-

It been a really a boring day but also a day with lots of pain.  See the weather where I live is cold and wet right now and that is the worst weather for my back.  The metal or titanium my back actually turns cold and I sit on the heating pad all day trying to get it to warm up. It never does but sometimes it does help to have the warm going through my lower back.

I thought today I would talk about what the word “chronic” means and when do you know you have crossed over from acute pain to chronic.  According to Webster’s dictionary chronic means (of an illness) persisting for a long time or constantly recurring. Thats about the lamest and vaguest definition in the entire dictionary (probably not but to me it is).  So how do you know when you are no longer acute and have become chronic?  Do you get a letter  in  the mail saying “congratulations, you have had 549 day of constant and persistent pain.  You are now chronic!”  I wish, that would make life so much easier.

I remember the day that the doctor told me I would no longer would have many days without pain.  I wanted a definitive number, two weeks? 6 days? Im lucky now if I get 3 days. Its been a long time since its been longer than that.  He said it just all depended on how fast my deteriorated.  At first I was a a fighter.  Didn’t want any one else to pity me, look at me differently or know what I was eternally going through. It was almost as soon as the doctor said I would have chronic pain that it was most days with pain. Maybe it was all in my head and I thought so too.  But 8 years later, I finally feel that Im in the chronic pain class. And maybe that’s why I started this blog.

My best suggestion for someone in that fuzzy area of acute and chronic should have a heart to heart with your doctor.  Its not an easy talk to have and its very deflating to have someone tell you that this is the best your health will ever get without a cure. I dont give up hope that one day there might be a better solution to Degenerative Disc Disorder than metal fusions.  My husband already calls me his bionic women, which  dont mind at all but if I looked like Lindsey Wagner, my day would be made! I wouldn’t mind have a completely bionic back.  All I can hear in my head now is the Na na na na (or whatever the sound it in the show) and if you are too young to know what the Bionic Women, then sit down to a Netflix binge, oh and there is a Bionic  Man!  You would be set for months

I know that I haven’t answered much about chronic other than every body is different and every one’s body is different. The best answer I can give is have that uncomfortable talk with your doctor and see where that goes.  If you dont like what he says, then there are other doctors out there.  Try to get a good diagnosis so that your way of life can be changed or altered to make it better for you.  And that is exactly who is the most important person in that conversation……… you!

And until tomorrow………na na na na na!


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