Day 8 – Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Sitting here tonight and trying figure out what  to write about tonight, I keep thinking why I would want to start a blog and write about something so personal as what I go through on a daily basis.  Most days I can smile and make it seem like there isn’t any pain.  Some days I dont want to talk to a single person because the pain is so great that I, and its not just a saying, I can not see straight.

I already wrote why I wanted to do this blog but Im looking in that mirror of doubt and wondering if I am that person to help someone else go through what I have been through.I have told myself that its no big deal what I’ve gone through.  Its no big deal not knowing what tomorrow brings.  Its no big deal having doctors tell you that this is how your life is and they can no longer help you anymore.  Its no big deal to have friends, family, and others say to you that they feel you aren’t really in pain and looking to score more pain meds or looking for attention.  Its no big deal to feel so alone that they way out is the permanent way out. Its no big deal to think that you are so alone, that there is darkness all around you all the time.Its no big deal going through years of hell and not knowing if there is ever going to be an end to it.  So back to that original question, am I someone who is in the position to help someone else get through this so called life with chronic pain?  The answer is yes, hell yes.  If I get through just one person who is going through any or all the things listed above, then I will know I made the right decision to open the world up to my life.

It wasn’t an easy decision.  There are a lot of  other things in my life that I could blog about.  Such as being a police officer’s wife.  I could write about having an autistic daughter.  I could write about having a father deal with a horrible disease of Multiple Sclerosis.  I could write about my passions or my beliefs.  I could write about what it was like being a single mom for awhile.  I could write about a bunch of other things but I choose to write about chronic pain.  I choose to find that one person that stumbles across my blog and maybe for just that one moment in life, he or she doesn’t feel alone.  Thats all I want and that is why Im choosing to open the eye of anyone out there that has no idea the issues many people deal with on a daily basis, with chronic pain.

So until tomorrow…..



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