Day 79 and Day 80 – Dear Diary

Dear Diary, It’s been rough the last few weeks. My husband, Eric has been sick and the roles in our house have changed. I am writing a blog post all about it and it should be up soon. But it’s been hard to see someone you love is sick. And Eric isn’t just sick, he has a tumor that is possibly cancerous. We have to wait a few days before we will know for sure.

What Is Happening

The waiting is the worse part. We just found out today that he has a tumor but now we have to wait a day or two for the big results. It’s killing me on the inside. I’m trying to stay strong on the outside but all I want I do is cry. I never in a million years thought we would be looking at something like this and at our age. He’s only 48. It’s amazing how something in your life can change so quickly and you are supposed to just handle it. No warning. No preparation. Just bam, you have a tumor and it’s could be cancerous. I was amazed at how well the doctor handled telling us the news. He was nervous, that’s for sure but he just said it. Like he was telling us the weather will be hot tomorrow, oh and you have a tumor. I know he has to tell it like that and stay as partial as he can but I wanted to scream and yell at him to show an emotion. To take back what he was saying and to be telling us the wrong news. He got the test results mixed up. That’s what I wanted to hear. But that never came.

Now What?

We have to wait for whether or not it’s cancerous but no matter what he will need surgery to remove the tumor.  All I know is that we need to get him feeling better and quickly.  He has been sick, or at least had symptoms for about 5 weeks and the last week or so he has lost 23 lbs already.  He can’t keep anything in him and everything seems to run right through him. Once we know if it is colon cancer or not, that will determine the next steps.  Either if it isn’t cancerous, he will still need to have chemo and radiation.  When he gets sick, he gets sick.  Eric has never been the one that gets sick.  Heck, he has barely had colds or the flu.  So for him to have a tumor, this is huge.

Day 80

It’s cancer.  I don’t know what else to say but that.  It’s colon cancer.  And just like that our lives have changed.  In a mere 48 hours, our life went from boring and perfect to scary and unknown. How do you deal with that? It’s has been nice to have the friends that care find me and let me know that we are loved and cared for. The few that have reached out to me have made my day by sending me private messages that mean the world to me.  And those that have told us that they are praying for us is even more important to me. I know that Eric is strong, one of the strongest people who I know.  He will fight this and get through this.  Then we will look back at this and say, we managed to conquer that mountain. I am so very proud of him and how strong he has been through this already.  Eric hasn’t been feeling that great but he is getting up every day and putting one foot forward.  He is working the best he can and resting when he needs too.  I am proud to be walking this road with him. I will fight this fight with him.  Getting him through this the best that we can.

What Is Next?

Next up is more appointments and more test that need to be run.  We don’t have all the answers yet or a schedule as to when things will happen.  Next will be a cat-scan and meeting with the oncologist to see when we start chemo and when is the surgery.  Once we have a better idea of when that is happening, I will keep everyone informed.  Until then, I ask for prayers for Eric for strength, peace, and comfort through all this. Cancer is a scary word and hard to go through.  But I know that with the strength that Eric has and the help from God, we can get through anything. Until next time…….      

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