Day 60 – Dear Diary

Dear diary,

DAY 60!  Wow!  Yay me!  I never thought I would make it this far but now that I have, I want to go so much farther! I’m glad I started this and stuck with it.  Maybe if just one other person reads this and can be helped with their chronic pain, then all this  is worth it.  I know, I believe that this is important and talking about chronic pain needs to be voiced more than  it is now and not made to be a hushed subject.

When I started this blog, I was excited to be on the other end from just being diagnosed but truth is, I feel like a newbie with all this every day.  I think a lot of that is because we don’t talk about pain, pain medications, and daily suffering.  was the last time you had a conversation about how much pain you are in?  How much you need to see a doctor because the amount of pain meds you are taking does not touch the amount of pain that you are in? Im betting I made you uncomfortable just saying pain or pain medications. It’s just not a normal conversation that two people normally have unless you feel connected to someone and can open up about chronic pain, medications, and what you talk about with your doctors.

I’m betting that you aren’t 100% honest about your pain with your doctors too.  I know I wasn’t until I found the right team of doctors that all work well together and I was 100% honest about  my drug use.  Even saying that right now, I’m sure it makes some uneasy.  It would have been to me.  But being honest with yourself and with your doctors is the first place to start.  I mean being so honest with your doctors that they finally can see what a day in the life of You is.  And if you have a good doctor like I have, he already knew what path I went down and wanted to help me back from it. The first step in being on the path of being honest is just that, being honest with yourself.  Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself the truth, no matter hard that it.  I had that conversation with myself before i spoke with anyone else.  I was tired, worn out, and tired of all the lying and hiding I was doing.  That was when I hit that low. I knew the day when I was putting on more than one Fentanyl patch at a time to relieve all forms of pain I was feeling. Once you realize you are that low, you know its time to get help and get the right type of help for the chronic pain.  I can now deal with my chronic pain the healthy way.  But it was much better this way and then I dealt with the reason I was self-medicating myself more than I was supposed to.  There was a lot in my life that I didn’t want to face and deal with.  I had problems going back to when I was 17 that I never dealt with and boy did that need to be dealt with. Once I started fixing myself physically and emotionally, I was about to see clearer and  a brighter road.

I’m not saying that all patients with chronic pain can or do misuse pain meds but it’s out there.  Those that do have the two issues have a harder. but not impossible road.  You can do anything you put your mind to it.  I really believe that. When chronic pain is so widespread as it is now, there is more than a fair share of two roads meeting with patients. I am hoping one day this can all come to an end but it doesn’t look like it with chronic pain.

Even if you have the two roads, you deserve the best care possible but that all starts with you.  Once you made that decision to clean up one road and travel down another, then life will look a lot better.  There will be good days and bad but isn’t it worth finding out what road you deserve to travel? Travel your road with me.  It will all be worth it.

Until tomorrow…………………………….

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