Day 56- Dear Diary

Dear diary,

Still losing my voice but feeling better.  This is one powerful cold that has stayed with me for over a week now and don’t know if it will ever go away 100%.  I know it will but another week or two?  Just frustrating and I’m tired of it.  I am wanting to get back out there and exercise. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I believe that I miss doing it. I was beginning to like doing it and how I was starting to feel.  My body definitely was telling me that it was liking it and now misses it. And we all know just how much we need to be listening to our bodies.  They really can tell you something important.

Listening to our bodies……..that is a tough one.  I was looking back over my diary from before and realized that I only wrote a little bit about listening to our bodies in Day 38-Dear Diary.  Maybe it’s time to talk some more about it and what I need to be doing when I am actually listening and not just pretending to hear like a nagging mother is talking to me.  Isn’t that easy to do, just pretend to hear your hip tell you “not another step sit down and rest, please I’m begging you”  but you take that next step and the next and the next. What damaging can we be doing when we actually don’t care enough to listen.  We listen to the doctors, to family members who care about us, to friends that hope for the best for us, but to ourselves?  We don’t get back “hey, I’ve noticed that we are having problems with…. and then the line does dead and nothing is communicated.

Our body and our minds need to have an open communication line or nothing will get done.  What if your body is telling you that it’s hungry?  Nothing new there.  But what if after the mind tells the body what to eat, the mind decides not to tell the body that you have eaten enough and so the body keeps on eating.  And eating, and eating, and well, you get it.  Not a very healthy way to live nor is it a very smart way to live. Imagine just how enormous we would all be when not listening to ourselves.

I know at times I don’t listen to my body.  The last thing I want to be is reminded that I’m almost to the point of being handicap on some days and I do need a handicap sticker to park my car closer. I know that in my mind but telling my body the same thing is hard to do.  I will push myself and push myself till my back is about to snap into two pieces.  I think I need to be thankful for a mind that is on top of it.  And there is nothing wrong at all, with listening to my body. What’s wrong is when we don’t listen and we end up hurting ourselves more because we pushed.

I’ve said before how my dad has MS and he has been handicapped for well over 5 years now.  It took dad and it’s still hard listening to his body and knowing it’s ok to ask for help.  But now when he does ask for the help, it’s less energy he hard to out put and will have energy for other things the rest of the day.  Imagine being a proud man who is the head of his family, asking his sons for the help that he needs.  I think at first it was embarrassing, and probably still is on some days, but it’s putting down your ego for a few minutes and knowing it is just people who love you and want to protect you.  Easier said than done, especially for me.

Last night for the 4th, we went to our friend’s got a BBQ and fireworks.  By the time I got home at 10pm, my hip had enough for the night and it took me awhile to get out of the car.  The kids and husband wanted to help me but I felt so embarrassed that I even needed help.  But if I would have just listened to my body earlier in the evening, I could have sat a lot more and maybe not had that issue with my hip.

I think that the hardest part for me was when to recognize when to listen and stop talking to my body. I would have these conversations that went a little like this:

Body: hey, you need to take it easy running that 5k today.  Don’t push it.

Mind: Push it, that’s my middle name (it’s not really, buy for this convo, let’s pretend)

B: every time you push it, you end up laid up for a week

M: won’t this time, I came prepared.  So much so that I decided to run the full marathon.

B: what, wait no.  Don’t do it.  You’ll pay for it later.

M: I’ll be fine.  Stop worrying so much!

5 hours later………..Im in the hospital being prepared for hip replacement. 🙂

This never happened but in all serious, I can see myself doing something like this. Two big things I need to work on, listening to my body and not pushing myself to the brink of death.  Life’s too short to spend it all recovering from surgeries. My plan is to start to listen to my body and not pushing myself to the brink of death all because I want to prove to myself that I’m not broken. Take this challenge with me and see if you feel better all because you are listening to your body!  If all else fails, you will give your inner voices something to talk about!

Until tomorrow…………………………



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