Day 53- Dear Diary

Dear diary,

Still having a rough time with how sick I’ve been.  It’s really is amazing the correlation through stress and chronic pain and immune system and chronic pain.  I don’t know which has been worse, the stress or the sickness that been going around. But my stress level has been way high lately.   Let’s   review the last month or so.

Everything was going just right,  actually things had been looking up for me lately and then the world has come crumbling down.  First my mom is admitted into the hospital for having multiple seizures, up to 15 in one day. Then we are told that she has a form of Dementia, the one she has is Alzheimer’s. Then we are told she is no longer able to take care of my father who has MS and needs help all the time.  Then we are need to try to figure out how to get help for both of them and with what funds. .  Then I get sick.  Wow,  this past month has really sucked.  Oh and did I mention the family dog might be really sick.  And my brother is trying to take care of her the best he can right now. I know I should never ask this but can things get any worse>

I believe that our  bodies  with chronic pain, seem to follow where stress and sickness have a tendency to show up. I’ve had  so much emotional ups and downs, the chronic pain seems to get worse any time the emotions goes up or down. I know that my body with chronic pain doesn’t deal well with my immune system being at less than 100% and before the chronic pain, I had a low immune system to begin with.  I have an autoimmune disease called Ulcerative Colitis. Here is a short definition of UC is.

Ulcerative colitis is the result of an abnormal response by your body’s immune system. Normally, the cells and proteins that make up the immune system protect you from infection. In people with IBD, however, the immune system mistakes food, bacteria, and other materials in the intestine for foreign or invading substances. When this happens, the body sends white blood cells into the lining of the intestines, where they produce chronic inflammation and ulceration.

I was diagnosed with UC 3 weeks before my trip to England and France in 2000.  That was a difficult time, with traveling so far away, being away from home for so long and the fear of the constant diarrhea didn’t help either. And For a time leading up to the trip, I was so trying to figure out how get out of it and so worried of being sick in a foreign country.  I ended up having a blast and wouldn’t have changed anything from that trip.  But I’m sure my stress didn’t help the situation and if I could have relaxed a little more, my UC might not have flared prior to leaving.

It’s so easy to say don’t stress or control your emotions but already having chronic illnesses, yes I included chronic pain as a chronic illness, controlling anything is out off the question.  Learning to accept your body and not trying to stop every thing from happening in fear that something might, isn’t a way to live.  But again that’s easier said than done. Isn’t that how everything seems to work?

Since I’m ending in the morning and not at the night, I will talk to you later today……..

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