Day 43- Dear Diary

Dear diary,

Busy busy day for Mom’s Taxi Service.  I had to take kids to summer school and summer camp, husband to court for work, run to the store, and then start the process of picking up from summer school, and summer camp, then lastly husband from work.  It can be frustrating at times to have one car, but it is definitely cheaper for us.And we all make it work, one way or another. So the question becomes, in the hustle from everything,  how do I find time for myself on these busy days.

I used to have about 6 hours a day to myself, but all that changed when we decided to home-school our youngest.  At first I thought I was going to go crazy and  I had a very hard time finding that hour, or half hour or even 5 minutes to myself. Everything that I was doing in those 6 hours, I had to condense into a half hour.  I began to see that when I wasn’t taking the time for myself and wasn’t doing things for myself, I was becoming more and more depressed. Or worse was when I would plan my half hour for myself and I wouldn’t get even that or more importantly, I wouldn’t allow myself that time.  I would feel, at first, like I was being selfish and I shouldn’t be allowed to have “me time” because that would take away from me being a good mother.  Especially because we choose to home-school our son, so how dare I take away time from him.  But when I started to think that way, I started to decline in health and in mind.

I started to not take time for myself for about a month or so and I started to fall apart very rapidly. At first, I would stay up till the early mornings and then sleep most of the day.  After that, I started to not take care of myself like I needed to for someone with chronic pain.  I wouldn’t take my pills correctly, either missing a day or two and then taking them twice in one day.  I couldn’t keep tracking of what I took, when I took it, and how many pills I had left. I became a huge mess in a short amount of time.  My depression was the worst it had been in years and I don’t know how my husband didn’t want to divorce me.  I know that this wasn’t 100% because I wasn’t taking “me time” but I know that it didn’t help at all.

When I finally had enough of the depression and feeling sorry for myself, I started small with my “me time”.  For 3 nights a week, I would take a hot, bubble bath and make myself stay in it for at least a half hour.  I would play music, drink hot tea, light candles, and most importantly shave my legs.  It’s amazing how fast you feel like a women again when you have hairless legs. Then after a few weeks of this, I would take a little more time than just a half hour.  After dinner, I would retreat to my bedroom and would work on my planners, watch YouTube videos, read, or whatever I wanted.  My husband would keep the kids out of the bedroom and they couldn’t come in till I said it was ok.   Sure every night it didn’t run so smoothly, and some nights ran better. But the most important thing was, I was doing what I wanted to do with no child hanging to my coattails.  It was amazing how much better I began to feel.  I slept better.  I started to eat better. And on really good days, I started to exercise.  All because I started to take that time for myself that my mind and body needs. It honestly didn’t matter what I did during my down time, as long as it was what I wanted to do for myself.

Now, after a few months of this routine, the kids have gotten used to mom taking some time to herself,  And even the nights my husband is at work, they know that when mom is in her bedroom, has her earphones on, and signing as loud as she can, they know that this is good for mom and she will be back shortly to be mom again. Find what works for you because what works for me might just be for me!

Until tomorrow………..

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