Day 42 – Dear Diary

Dear dairy,

First off happy father’s day to my wonderful dad and to my amazing husband.  I couldn’t have asked for better dads. Thank you for being the best dads!  I love you both very much!

Pain is intense today and not wanting to leave my bed.  I found this picture and thought it is very appropriate for how I was feeling all day.

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So I stayed in bed all day.  I wanted to be able to get out of bed and help do things, like make dinner for the kids.  Instead my 9-year-old son fixed dinner for both my daughter and himself.  Any time he had a question on how to cook something he would Facetime me so I didn’t have to get up.  How did I get so lucky with my kids?  Any time I needed something, my son E would day “mom, you rest.  I got this”.  And he sure did.

People with chronic pain need to have that support group around them, then taking care of them self doesn’t make you feel so guilty.  Believe me, when I was first going through my surgeries and learning I had chronic pain, I was so determined not to have anyone do anything, not to have people help me, that at times, I was doing more harm than good.  I felt like they just pitied me and felt bad that I was going through all that.  Fast forward to years later, and I slowly leaned to start trusting that my support group wasn’t there to pity me or feel that they “had to” help me.  Its been a long road to learn that trust is important but once you realize that they truly have your best interest at heart, life gets a little better and staying in bed all day isn’t a prison sentence and becomes more like the rest and relaxation you really need.  Pain is your body telling you that there is “physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury” according to the dictionary on my phone.  Your body is telling you something very important and learning to listening and knowing what your body is saying comes over time. Don’t expect to be able to tell the difference from pain that is short-term and will go away soon (acute) to pain that is there 5 plus years later (chronic).

Being diagnosed with chronic pain doesn’t have to be that life sentence.  Mostly you will have good days and then you will have bad days.  Learning to enjoy the good days is very important and a must.  Then you begin to have more good day because your mood and body is wanting that. But don’t try to trick yourself and try to keep depression at bay.  That is the hardest part for me and you can probably tell by my post yesterday. The best thing to do isn’t to talk yourself into being in denial about the pain and depression but learn to deal with the pain and depression the best you can.

I’ve talked about my many hobbies that I try to stay up on.  Having a bad pain day today, I was able to catch up on my planners, my YouTube videos, and some organizing.  I did all this from the comfort of my bed and heating pad. Do I want these days to be a part f my life? No, but I embrace the fact that they are and they will show up, whether you want them to or not. Do yourself a favor and be prepared for them, use them to your benefit, and know that even though the bad day has come, there will be a great day to follow soon! Now that is something to look forward to.

Until tomorrow…………………

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