Day 4 -Dear Dairy

Dear Diary,

Life sucks hard when your laptop doesn’t work! My life seems to be all on it and when it doesn’t work, I can write in my diary.  So Im back and it works!

Yesterday was a hard day and I was in bed most of the day sleeping.  I didn’t I didn’t  get out of bed unless it was to eat.  My emotions where pretty depressed and I felt like crying for no reason at all.  I did start to fell better about the time I was sleepy and ready to go to bed for the night.  Not a great way to spend the day. And because I was in bed all day, my husband had to deal with everything and work all day.  That makes my depression even worse. I feel extremely guilty and sad because my job in my mind, is to take care of the house, take care of the kids, and take care of my husband after a  long day at work. Thats the way I feel.  My husband’s job isn’t like more peoples, see he is a police officer  and works very very hard.He deals with all kinds of people and when he comes home, he has every right to want to zone out and relax.  But having a wife that deals with chronic pain, depression, and anxiety he never knows what he  is going to find at home. And that isn’t fair to him. One day I plan on doing a whole blog post on guilt.  I have a great about of it and can probably write a whole book on it!

This was my Wednesday and sucks to feel this way but this is what happens when you have chronic pain and never know how you are going to feel from one day to the next. And that’s ok to feel a little amount of guilt but not to let it control your life. Or that is what I try to tell myself.  Live one day at a time. Live one day in the present. Live one day in the now and not the now what.  Live in the life of happiness and not living in the “I’m sorry” mode. Live life with joy, peace, and love.  This is what I try to tell myself every day!

And until next time……….

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