Day 38 – Dear Diary

Dear diary,

Another long day today.  My body isn’t like it use to be.  It doesn’t seem to handle stress very well anymore.  Is that age or a broken down body from years of disease and pain?  I would like to think that it was neither and I handle stress very well.  Yeah, that is unlikely since it’s after 10pm and I am just starting to write tonight.  It will be another long night of no sleep, I can see. That I am use to.

Many a night, the house is quiet and calm, but there is noise constantly in my head.  Conversations I replay over and over.  Information that I haven’t yet processed yet. And then there is the pain that won’t let slumber come my way.

My first back surgery was a disc replacement which is performed through the stomach.  Sleeping at night wasn’t to difficult to achieve since I was never someone sleeping on my stomach.  It wasn’t until the two fusions that through hvac into my sleep habits. Sleeping on either side or even on my back was out of the question.  Turning from  one position to another was me grabbing on to the sheets and pulling myself over, or having my husband turn my like pancake. Not fun for either one of us.  Especially since my husband’s sleep habits stemmed from the Army and teaching himself to sleep when he could and falling asleep fast were two talents he picked up from that. I wouldn’t be having both feet in the bed when the rhythmic snoring came from the other side.  I leaned to entertain myself waiting for the perfect time to wake him to ask for help.  I would make up stories in my head and then pick actors and actresses who would play the parts that I created.  Sometimes I would be so enthralled with my story, half the night had escaped me and more pain would be entering my body. By then, sleeping was out of the question and another night of sleep would escape me and my body and mind needed to be healing not dreaming.

It’s very easy to get into habits that are not always the best for yourself, but listening your body is one of the most important things you can do to help your body adjust to pain, and more importantly chronic pain.  Any type of pain is draining to your body and mind, chronic pain is debilitating to the mind and body.  Many other issues can stem from lack of sleep such as,  depression, anxiety, serious health problems, memory issues, and you can gain weight. Any of these issues are hard to deal with on top of chronic pain, and your body can suffer from one or more of these issues.

So whether having insomnia or stress is not allowing slumber to enter into your life, get with your doctor to solve this issue quickly so you have one less issue to worry about when dealing with your chronic pain.  And maybe the Sandman will come more often to your body and mind. Good night to you all!

Until tomorrow………


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