Day 31 – Dear Diary

Dear diary

I wanted to share a little bit from someone’s comment to me today about my post on “What else is there besides chronic pain”. I can completely relate to this person’s view of how dealing with daily chronic pain can make us feel.  She stated that there was once this person who was loved her job, and loved her looks.  Now, she feels alone and cries all the time, once was never a person who cries to someone who cries all the time now. I believe that this is  how most of us with chronic feels on a day-to-day basis.  How could we not? We see ourselves,  that person we knew 7, 10. 16 year ago , and don’t recognize ourselves any more. We see a glimpse of ourselves and  that is its it. People who haven’t seen us in a while swear we look like the same person.  But we can see that look on their face, that look that tells us that they are having a hard time truly seeing the same person.

What does happen to us when we go through that phase of transformation? Where we are no longer the person who was carefree, confident, beautiful, young, and so on.  Does the real you die inside and you become this person you can’t stand and don’t want to be?  How do you get yourself back from the dead and regain your beautiful self?  I believe that this is something that can be done but it’s a lot of work.  it took you how many months of self loathing and all that to become this new person so it will talk you that many number of months to get to be your beautiful self again.  You were there once before, so you can get back there.  But you must have faith in yourself and the confidence that you once had.  It’s all baby steps back to the old you or new you, however you want to look at it..  There is no fast way to get through this.  No matter how hard you try, you need to slow it down and start to focus on the positive aspects of yourself.

One way I have used to get myself to focus on the good, and not the bad or unhappy Lisa, is a gratitude journal. I started one the beginning of this year and I believe it has helped me a lot!  I started slow and worked my way back to the top.  The way I did it was this way.  In the morning, before I would step foot out of my bed, I had to write 5 good things about myself.  And sometimes, it was as little as “tonight I went to bed at a normal bed time”. Others where “I wrote in my journal before I went to bed”,  These don’t need to be where you thought of a way to cure cancer.  Take it small.  Here;s another one “I ate three healthy meals yesterday”.  Again nothing huge to most people but to us with chronic pain, it  can mean the whole.

Try it for one month and see where it lands you.  Worse thing possible, you waste some paper and some ink.  But my bet will be that you start to feel a little bit better about yourself, And imagine if one month can get you to start to like yourself what would a whole six months or one year?  The world is endless!

Until tomorrow…….


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