Day 26 – Dear Diary

Dear diary,

I found this statement today and felt that this was just what I needed today.

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Many a time, I have felt so broken, emotionally and physically.  I have known a lot of hardship, in day-to-day life and in  large hardship that has  physically knocked the air right out of me. I have completely lost myself so much that when I found myself, I barely recognized myself.  But as this says, I stand here, still moving forward.  Life isn’t about the past, it’s how you handled it to make you the person you are today.

I’ve lived through some pretty difficult times, but I have still made myself move forward.  Maybe it wasn’t long, proud, strides but more like baby steps, or even baby tiptoes. No one who knows me, wouldn’t expect anything less.  I believe I have always been the hardest critic in my life but that is what has made me make it this far on this road I never wanted to be down.  This road of speed bumps, potholes, and detours..  I wanted to take a different route, a different path but there wasn’t one.  This is what was laid out for me and I either had to accept it, or give up.

I had a very important person in my life, give up and is no longer with us.  I saw that devastation that he caused by deciding that his road  wasn’t worth it anymore, so much so that he ended his road.  I was left picking up the pieces that i didn’t know how to or even if I could.  He thought that the best way to fix his broken road wasn’t by doing construction on it, but by making the road disappear. I was so angry for so long and it wasn’t because of his selfish act but because he did it and I couldn’t.

I am on the right path now and I don’t want to end my road, but I would rather to put the time and effort into fixing this road.  I always thought that it was because of the people in my life that kept me going but instead it was actually me.  I finally saw that all the effort I put into fixing my road was well worth me sticking around to see to the finish road.

I know that my road will never be a road that I can put on cruise control and coast through life but instead knowing there will be hardships and times where I might lose myself for a few miles, but that is what will make me a stronger person and I can fight through life against all the pain I see on a daily basis.

Choose for yourself to go down your road, even though there will be difficult times.   Becoming a fighter for your life and for your road and that  is the stronger and admirable choice. Learn to get through those times that might break you, or where you might lose yourself, but in the long run, it will all be worth it. I can’t say that I know exactly how to fix anyone’s road because it’s taken me a long time just to fix mine.  I do know that you need to find the right people who can support you through all the construction we do on our roads. One or two people won’t be enough, instead you will need a whole construction crew to work with you and for you to make your road the smoothest, scenic, and longest road ever.  You can get through this road of pain.  Know that your road isn’t titled “Pain” road but instead it’s “Your life” road with a few bumps of pain.  Once you can accept that and understand that, you will definitely be going down…..the right road.

Until tomorrow……..

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