Day 25 – Dear Diary

Dear diary,

I’m having a hard day today.  Things with my parents aren’t getting any easier and things are looking down not up.  I’ve said this a multiple of times but never in my diary but it absolutely sucks being the parent to your parents.  We aren’t brought up with the intentions to become the parents in that relationship.  But when both your parents are dealing with one serious illness is one thing, but two illnesses is down unbearable and unfair.

Before I ever was diagnosed with having a chronic disease, I saw what Multiple Sclerosis has done to a strong, active, and able body of a man who now has to rely on so many people and can’t get through the day without hope. MS is a horrible disease, but what chronic illness is a cake walk?

My dad was one of the rare people to get MS.  Usually, its women between the age of 20 to 30 and family history of it.  My dad was diagnosed in 1996 when he was 52. At first, little things started to affect him, like he would be walking, and then trip.  His leg would give out and he would lose his balance a lot.  He started with a cane and that helped for a little bit. He moved into a walker and he hated that so much.  He said it made him look old.  I giggle now at that because what I would do to go back and give him the chance to walk again and not care that he looked old. He is now in a wheelchair 100% of the time. What we take for granted, such as putting shoes and socks on, is very difficult for him.

I remember the first month of so, when he was newly diagnosed,  and I remember crying every time I thought about dad and MS.  I wanted to blame someone, something, God, a spirit, anything so the pain I felt would be justified and the doctors would say it was all a mistake.  But that day never came. just a life of difficulties and embarrassment for dad.  But I wanted my dad’s life to be better than what the doctors were predicting.  I wanted them to be wrong, I wanted my dad to my strong, protective father that I grew up with.  But that day never came. But you know what, he is still strong and protective father.  The disease is part of my dad but doesn’t define who my dad is.

The one thing I learned when I was diagnosed with chronic Degenerative Disc Disease, that it’s a lot easier being the patient than watching a loved one go through that difficult time. But I truly believe that since going through all that with dad, he gave me the gift to get through living life with chronic pain. I need to thank my father for helping me get through life and I  bet he doesn’t even know that is how I feel.

Life is too short not to tell love ones how we feel.  So dad, if you ever read this, I  love you more than you will ever know and thanking you for helping me get through my life.

Love your love ones now, before it’s too late!

Until tomorrow……………………….


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