Day 21 – Dear Diary

Dear diary,

This might be my shortest entry in the 3 weeks.  I don’t feel like posting or do just about anything.  I’ve been in an off day all day today.  I don’t have a reason why, just a crabby mood.

I did get out and walked about a 1/2 mile today,  I have been thinking for a while that I should try a cleanse.  But don’t know how my body would react to that.  My Ulcerative Colitis has a tendency to be the most difficult disease out of all the ones I have. I really want to lose weight but being stationary most days its hard.  I’m glad I am able to get out and walk but don’t know if its enough to lose weight.  I don’t have the best self-esteem and would like to change i know it takes a lot of work but how to do the work when you are pretty much benched the whole season?

With summer coming, its hard to wear less clothes and not find some hole to bury your head in.  And to make things worse. my 13 -year-old girl came home from school about a week ago and was upset because some boy at school told her that she is fat. First off, M is the smallest, tiniest 13-year-old.  There isn’t an ounce of fat on that child.  So how do you raise a girl when others say things just to mean, when you yourself don’t feel good about yourself.

I don’t know why it is so hard being female and fit into this perfect mold that society has made.  But is that the whole reason for looking at yourself and finding every little thing wrong about you and can’t find one good thing. Do we, ourselves, make life more difficult than  what it really needs to be?  Who says being 100 pounds and 5’10 is the healthiest for all women?  The more important questions is why do we allow this to be normal.

These are the questions I seem to battle every day and hate that I even allow this to affect me. And now I Have to figure out how to raise a beautiful, full of confident young women without letting society ruin her innocence and except that every part of her is perfect.  I wish I could make it easier on her and me, but how do you do that?  Being a parent that is present in  the child’s life is so important.  Reassuring that child that they are perfect in all ways will help a lot.  But the most important way to show a child to be confident  is showing them that you are confident with yourself.  I  take my job as a mother very seriously as many can see in previous post but I am now taking a vow to bring up a confident and beautiful young lady, she is worth it!

Until tomorrow……………………

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