Day 16 – Dear Diary

Dear diary

Monday, who come up with the brilliant idea to have a day to “start’ the week?  Never been my favorite day.  Today wasn’t a bad day.  It was just a “Monday”.

Exercise for today was almost 1 mile.  I haven’t gone that far for a long time.  My body is a little tired but it feels pretty good.  Not a lot of new pain, just wish my hip would stop bothering me so much.  Day 1 of exercise was good, and it was spent with the kids and my husband. It’s a great way to spend time with the family and it’s good for the kids too.

Luckily, I haven’t had to use my cane in a while.  I absolutely hate the metal object that becomes an extension to my body and I have to use on bad days/weeks/months.  It’s not the cane itself that I hate.  It’s the reactions I get.  It’s the stares that I hate.  It’s the thoughts that I see on people’s faces that I hate.  It’s the way it automatically makes me feel and how it makes me look broken.

I have a huge passion for professional hockey, especially my hometown team, the Colorado Avalanche.  I was lucky enough to get taken to a few games this past season.  I went once with my younger brother, once with my husband and my two brothers, and the last time was with just my son and me.  I loved going every time but with my son, that was special until people began to stare.  Luckily, my son didn’t notice too much but it really makes me think twice about having to use the cane since then.

You would think that I would be used to people staring, like they do with my father.  He was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in February, 1996.  You are probably wondering why I remember that date so well, it was one month till my wedding to my first husband. My dad was so upset that he then refused to walk me down the aisle.  I don’t take no very well, and he did end up walking me down the aisle beautifully.  Anyways, people have a tendency to stare at my father because he is either in a wheelchair or scooter.  I’ve been known to actually ask the person exactly what they are looking at and what’s the problem. It just upsets me that in this day and age, people still have the nerve to stare.  Maybe I over react sometimes but it doesn’t feel good to have people stare when all I’m trying to be is as normal as anyone else.

What is normal anymore anyways?  Do people realize that I would do almost anything, including kissing a frog, not to have to walk with a cane sometimes?  Or not have someone else pick up something that I can’t?  Or walk slower because I can’t move that fast?  Or just not stare because I am normal.  I am very normal but have a disease that doesn’t let me look normal all the time.  Does that give people the right to stare?  I don’t think so.  I totally get kids staring and I would never think that a kid doesn’t have the right to question things.  But it’s not kids that stare, because they all think a cane, a wheelchair, a prosthetic limb, or someone who looks different is cool.  I’ve had kids tell me that I’m the coolest because I have three legs.  Why can’t adults take a page out of the children’s book and think it’s cool to be normal. The one good thing about my kids, is the fact that their definition of normal  has wider parameters than most people.  After all, my son E said it best the night at the hockey game.  He said “Mom, let them stare.  They stare because you are beautiful”.  Have I told you what amazing kids I have?

Until tomorrow…..

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